And still the rain comes down...

The past few days have been delightfully wet and cold at our home. The rain has been soaking our parched garden and filling our empty rainwater tanks. What a wonderful time of the year! I don't know about you - but I LOVE cold, wet weather...

The boys have just discovered the delights of beanies, rubber boots and thick jackets. They look so snuggly all bundled up to keep warm. The only downside is that with all this rain they can't get outside to play very often. So we have compromised and are making regular trips to the indoor play-gyms for them to stretch their legs and run about. Each time I spend time watching Mitch & Harry play I am amazed by how far they have come in such a short amount of time. Those tiny little, frail babies are now robust, energetic little boys who love climbing, jumping and running.

Just happy thoughts for a lovely, rainy day...

Hugs,
Lisa

Let the rain fall...

Well after months of drought the rain is finally falling heavily. The boys are inside wearing their new rubber boots and playing with puzzles. Piles of washing are drying (very slowly) inside. And I am sitting in the shed listening to the rain fall on the tin roof.

Doesn't everything just seem clean and new after rain. Don't the plants seem ready to grow and bloom. And don't rainy days seem the best days to read a book or snuggle up to a loved one and watch an old movie.

Just like with the seasons, life seems to go through times of profound change. At times life seems so hard and every activity a burden. And then all of a sudden you find yourself looking forward to things and planning ahead. Our lives are such a precious gift - and yet sometimes we are so overwhelmed we can't see the beauty surrounding us. So on this rainy day I am choosing to take some time to celebrate the good things in my life...

I have a wonderful husband...

I have two beautiful, loving little boys...

I have a terrific extended family - we might not always get on, but we are always there for each other...

I have good friends...

I am safe and the ones I love are safe - no wars, famine or persecution...

And I am free to be who I choose to be...

Kinda makes you grateful to be alive doesn't it?

Hugs,
Lisa

Blogging against disablism...

During the course of checking out one of my favourite blogs
Terrible Palsy. I noticed a call to action. On May1st bloggers are being invited to post a message regarding disability and the discrimination that the disabled face. Since we entered the world of prematurity almost three years ago my family and I have come in contact with many children who have lasting impacts of their prematurity - including Cerebral Palsy, Sight Impairment, Intellectual Disabilities, Hearing Impairments and Autism. On May 1st I will be posting a message of support for our friends and a plea for understanding...

I ask you to join me in voicing the injustices that face those with a disability...
for more information please visit Diary of a Goldfish


Hugs,
Lisa

The childcare dilemma...

As most of you would realise I am a stay at home mum (hence the blog name). I have loved being at home with my boys, but recently have found life has been getting harder. I just don't seem to have either the energy or the willingness to do much for myself - all my energy goes on my precious little boys. Anyway, after much soul searching we enrolled the boys in childcare once a week. The boys and I went to check out the facility and before I knew it they had joined the colouring in and were happily playing with the other children. They cried when we had to leave! Best news is that they can start at the commencement of the next school term which is just over a week away. At this stage I am not returning to work for a while. I hope to use this day to do something for me - maybe get a haircut or go to the gym. Hopefully the boys will love their time at childcare - only time will tell. One thing is for certain - I WILL love having a few hours to myself...to drink hot coffee, eat breakfast in peace or close my eyes for a few minutes. And then I will be counting down the minutes until I get to see them again...

Hope everyone has a blessed week,
Hugs,
Lisa

Life with two 2 year olds...

Life with two 2 year olds is never easy - or so it seems to me. Life is lived in fast forward! Fights are always loud! Crying even louder! BUT the cuddles and kisses are the sweetest.

The past couple of months I have really been struggling with what I term 'depression and anxiety' - it cycles between the two. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed I am trapped in doing nothing and moving nowhere and other times I seem to need to do everything all at once. This (as I am sure you can appreciate) is very exhausting for my loved ones and for me too. I have cried with frustration at not achieving all I want to and then have cried from exhaustion when I finish what I want to achieve. This state of highly labile emotions is draining. And I worry about its long term effects on my boys...

But then there are the sweetest moments when they look at me and smile or rush to give me a kiss and I realise I can't be such a crappy mother after all. Mitch in particular loves the "cuddy" on the run - he rushed over, flings himself at me and then just as quickly resumes his game. Harry warms up slowly to strangers, but is so loving to his Daddy and I. And now we are watching their loving attitude to each other develop. Sure - Mitch still gets cross and hits Harry. And Harry cries. But now and then they reach over and kiss or hug each other without prompting. Or they share their yoghurt. And its at these moments that I realise that's what's important in life - being kind to each other...

So I resolve to be kinder to those I love...

And to try and not let life drag me down...

After all, if Mitch and Harry love me - then life is good...

Hope each and everyone of you feel loved too,
Hugs,
Lisa

Easter holidays...

Well we got back from our Easter holiday this morning - glad we left early as the traffic was already building up. Port Wakefield Road at holiday time has been a nightmare for as long as I can remember, but with the early checkout we were home in just over an hour.

We all had a really relaxing time at the beach and the boys loved having a house full of people. There were 9 adults and 4 kids in the holiday house. The house was fairly new and had a great kitchen and all of the modcons. Port Clinton is a sleepy little town, but it suited us perfectly. We wandered off to check out the garage sales (why do people keep old boots and broken washing machines to sell?) and picked up some jam at the town fete (I can never resist homemade conserves!). And we ate like kings! My cousin Kirrily organised each family to prepare an evening meal - and it was lovely to only have to cook once in three days. Each morning bacon and eggs were on offer - as I write this I can feel the cholesterol seeping through my veins (grin). The boys loved all of the adults - and Mitch proferred lots of kisses and hugs to Uncles Bruce, Adam and Chad. And poor Grandad/ Grandpa/ Paktpa didn't have much time to rest inbetween all the cuddles and bike rides he was required to give. Both boys really took a liking to my Cousin Chad's girlfriend Lisa - but couldn't get past the name "Chad" - so she was christened Auntie Chad. Even tonight Harry was calling out plaintively for "Chad", maybe in the vain hope that we had smuggled Lisa home in a duffle bag.

And then on Easter Sunday morning we were lucky enough that the four boys didn't realise what was supposed to happen - so we had breakfast before the Easter Bunny visited. Harry enjoyed his chocolate - but Mitchell isn't much of a chocolate fan and he preferred his Bob the Builder cup, bowl & spoon set. And their cousin Jay tucked into his chocolate treats too. Cousin Liam is a little bit too young for chocolate so he ate his farex and watched all the proceedings with great interest. And then all too soon it was time to head home...

Hope everyone had a great Easter,
Hugs,
Lisa

Sick as a dog...

Well this week has been a blast (sarcasm intended) - I have felt awful and very sorry for myself. Ended up going to the local emergency department in the early hours of this morning due to a blinding headache which wouldn't settle. Turns out I have a virus and a sinus infection, which could go to partly explaining why I have felt so awful over the past week. So dosed up in antibiotics and strong pain killers and praying that I feel markedly better by tomorrow.

We are supposed to be heading away with family to the beach for Easter, but if I don't feel better we may not go as I don't want to inflict my "little ray of sunshine" personality on everyone! I think secretly Kev would be quite happy if we stayed home - holidays just aren't his thing. He found 11 days in Queensland difficult. He is a homebody and so am I - except now and then it is nice to get away from endless piles of washing and never-ending cleaning.

Anyway, must pick up some more Easter eggs for the weekend...
Hoping that everyone's Easter is a blessed time for them and their families,
Hugs,
Lisa

Why do I feel so blue...

Some weeks just seem so much harder than others. I feel miserable today and since Kev is working late and the boys are engrossed in Bob the Builder I have come to my blog to have a self-pitying whinge.

I suppose the main problem is that the boys and I appear to have a nasty virus and as the day has progressed I feel like I am walking through wet cement. I ache all over and have a headache - and I am sure the boys feel the same. We all want to have a "pity party" at the moment...

I think that things have also been stirred up because I have been creating some long overdue videos of last year. Every time I see a photo or some footage of my Mum I struck by how bloody unfair this all is... that she should be here spending time with her three grandsons and planning her next big holiday. I miss her more and more each day. Each get together seems to have a gaping hole where Mum should be...and every time the boys do something new I just want to be able to pick up the phone and call her...

And I suppose I also feel tired - infact I know I do. So tired from struggling to maintain some normalcy in our home - so that the boys don't have to cope with a down in the dumps mummy. And tired from the usual running of the house things that seems to become more overwhelming by the minute...

My dear hubby Kev has asked me to try and slow down - but I seem unable to do this. Its like I have some deadline to meet - that no-one knows about except me. So he comes home and I am exhausted and cranky...

Well I suppose I better go and check on my cherubs - they need some extra mummy-care AND they don't care that I am tired, they just want cuddles...

Tomorrow can only get better...
Hugs,
Lisa